Chasing Youth: But is this freely or a societal expectation we have accepted?
I’ve been watching a lot of online content lately about women around my age posting about the techniques they are using to look their best, whether it’s with their hair, makeup, or fashion. I take it all on board and consider it, but then I usually walk away. It doesn’t always fit into my actual daily life.
Inevitably, these creators eventually post about receiving criticism, and the comment sections fill up with debate. But beyond the drama, I find myself reflecting on the actual advice. I watch content on how to match different colours to changing skin tones. Your skin tone really does change over time. Back in my 30s, I had a colour analysis done and was classified as a "clear winter" because I had dark hair and pale skin. That was when I felt I looked my best. Now that I’m older, my skin tans easily, and I’m told I’m a "soft autumn." Yet, experts often claim your undertone never changes. Well, either it does or it doesn’t! It can’t be both.
We also see posts about grey blending, complete with gorgeous photos taken right before leaving the salon. But over time, we've learned that the toner quickly fades, it goes yellow, and you end up funding an entire industry of products. Eventually, most women come to the same realization, you either grow it out or cut it out. The community of women sharing their journey of growing out their natural grey is honestly the content I find most useful.
Then there’s the fashion advice telling us what cuts to wear. both hair and clothes. That’s helpful when I’m clothes shopping, but when I step out into the real world for instance when I’m going to the supermarket, no one seems to be following these online rules. People are wearing what they already own. In small towns and cities, people are just head-down, going to work, managing family life, and cracking on. Can anyone afford to change coats simply because the cut is no longer on trend? Online content is merely advice for when you want it not for everyday living, or simply entertainment.
And now I see they are saying that it is the whiteness of our eyes that make us look younger and the dark ring circling our irises. PLEASE NO! Please, don’t chase this trend, this is taking it too far.
The Reality of Ageing Hair and Skin
When push comes to shove, all I really want is to look like I did when I was 30. But I’m in my mid-50s now, and that’s who I am. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s not just the colour of our hair that changes, it’s the texture and density. My hair is finer, drier, and thinner than it used to be. I also use cruelty-free, vegan products suitable for a sensitive scalp, which limits options further.
My facial structure has shifted too. The high, sharp cheekbones of my 30s look a bit hollow when I lose plumpness now, and my lips are thinner. Things simply look different.
At my core, I haven't changed that much. When I was in my 20s raising young children, I was the epitome of an "Earth Mother" tie-dye, tassels, breastfeeding, and raising my kids as naturally and simply as possible. It was practical, budget-friendly, and authentic to who I was and the lifestyle I was living. My life has changed over the decades but the fundamentals haven't. I am still opting for practical, budget-friendly with an additional eye for ethical and sustainable purchasing.
Are we all chasing youth - a return to feminine soverignty questioning:
If we all dig deep, are we able to define why we dye our hair beyond the age that we would naturally have colour in our hair, or spending good money on products or clothes to try to hold back the years? Are we wanting to look youthful to give the impression we are still fertile even if we would not want children at this point in our lives? Is it to remain in consideration for promotion in our career?
“No, it is because it makes me feel better about myself”. And I ask you to dig deeper still: How does it do that? for how long and for whose eyes?
Maybe we don’t want to be the one to hold up a mirror to our parents making them recognise that they are older still?
Perhaps it is so our children and grandchildren don’t become sad and worried about a time when we are no longer here.
Maybe it is so we don’t have to face our own mortality. Let’s look at what is at the core of these anxieties.
They are big anxieties aren’t they and they require different approaches to manage this other than year after year staving of the fear of ageing.
I’m reminded of Arabella Weir’s classic comedy character who used to ask, "Does my bum look big in this?" Over the years, we’ve realized it isn't the dress, it's just our bodies, and there's no need to blame the clothes but nor should we criticise our bodies, we are still here so let’s celebrate this.
Ultimately, it’s not the hair dye, skin tone, clothing, or perfume that defines our age, it’s simply our birthdate. All those other elements contribute, but ageing is a natural part of life. Once I accept that, I can live comfortably and authentically within it.
However, I am still unsure of how to manage this existential aspect
Because, I may not be dyeing my hair which is my choice and needn’t be yours, but I am still berating myself for not having the weight and waist size of my former self. Chasing youth? Perhaps, or holding back my ending?
Comments